You couldn't make it up...

So, about this time last year we were holidaying up in the Lake District and the gearbox in my car (a '98 Ford Scorpio Ultima) decided to let go. We had no reverse and only 2 forward gears but somehow managed to coax the old girl home. A suitable replacement 'box was located and installed by the wonderful team at Auto-Mo-Beel who also installed a new exhaust system and performed various other acts of fettling to get her through the MOT. Another day, another Caribbean holiday for Viv and Kate (owners of A-M-B).

Fast forward 10 months and Ali gets the thing stuck in the village floods. Fortunately, the very very nice RAC man managed to get it started (the car, not Ali) and, once again, Viv gave it a once-over and pronounced all to be well. Not much involved that time, though I think Kate probably got a night in a cheap B&B out of it.

Two months later, I'm back from Australia and on my way to work in Braunton, when the replacement gearbox blows up. Fortunately, eBay delivers a gem of a replacement (that's done 60,000 miles less than the rest of the car) and said item and the car are delivered (slowly) to Viv.

After agreeing to this year's Jamaica tickets with Viv, I collected the car, now of course replete with the aforementioned virginal transmission last Monday and it drove impeccably. Until Thursday, that is, when it broke down outside the computer store in Torrington, having succumbed to some electrical fault to do with an oujemaflip that made a thingy do something that stopped the starter motor from working.

Mr Mechanic (sorry, Technician) Beel arrived promptly at the scene (and who wouldn't when an upgrade to First Class was the likely outcome?) and with a little help from the RAC's banger-shifting department got the car back to the workshop.

Friday morning I get a wonderful telephone call informing me that not only was the car fixed, but no parts had been required. A result, especially when Viv said that they would be happy to settle for Business Class this time. Glorious trouble-free motoring was mine again!

Come Saturday morning, all was still magnificent on the motor front and it was with a light heart and a spring in our step that we all headed up to Cribbs Causeway shopping mall at Bristol to indulge in some retail therapy (having some money left thanks to Viv's generosity on his travel requirements). Whereupon we got slammed up the arse by a Volkswagen, thus rendering the rear of the car, er, fucked.

The insurance company think it may well be a write-off. Either way, I'm sure Viv and Kate are going to have a great time on their world cruise later in the year. Apparantly, they can hop on in Jamaica, which at least saves the cost of two return flights, I suppose.

Compressed into a 3 minute sketch, I think this little story could fill a void within some BBC2 comedy or other. What do you think?