Monday

Happy New Monday. Another year bites the dust. Has anyone else noticed that "2007" backwards is "7002", or is that just me?

New Year's eve in Sydney is highly recommended - "junior" fireworks down by the Opera House & Harbour Bridge at 9pm, followed by the real deal (which we watched from the other side of the river, meaning you can take in all 5 riverside displays at once) at midnight. Got some OK photos of the pyrotechnics and some bloody excellent ones of many, many scantily clad girls. Not for my gratification of course - Hoopy insisted. Copies will doubtless find their way to the Chandler residence as well...

It would appear that our timing has once again proved accidentally exceptional - this year's fireworks were the most expensive ever as the harbour bridge is celebrating its 75th birthday. For sure we picked the right year to visit the places we've been.

We're already into our third day here. Time flies when you're getting pissed. Hoopy had the window seat on the flight up from Melbourne and I instructed him to take a photograph as soon as we left the ground. He did so, meaning that I now have a permanent memory of the view of Melbourne I like the most - behind me!

So far we've done the usual touristy thing of wandering around, photographing the bridge (which we're climbing in 10 days - eek!) and the Opera House, visiting the Australian National Maritime Museum in Darling Harbour etc. etc. Of course, it is illegal to be here without actually catching a show at the opera house, so we're going to see 'The White Album concert'on Friday night. One of my favourite albums (though I still like Revolver best so far as The Beatles go), so should be a blast.

Exercising a little delicate footwork on the clutch (bit of a session last night...), I think we're dropping down a gear today. Liverpool FC are playing their New Year's Day match later which is being televised live here (23:30 kick off) and Hoopy wants to go and watch that at Cheers Bar, which endeared itself to us very nicely thank you on Saturday. We also have our last scheduled hotel move in Australia, basing ourselves in Chinatown for the next 12 days, so a bit of relax-a-vous over the next few hours is called for.

The final test match kicks off tomorrow, so we're going to be ensconced at the SCG for a couple of days. Hopefully it might last a bit longer than that, but given England's woeful performances to date, I'd be surprised if this one gets past day four. In any event, I'm going to bugger off for a few days on Saturday (the 6th, 7th and 8th represent my only window of opportunity around everything else we already have planned) so would miss day five were it to happen anyway. Still undecided as to where I'm going - a return to Tasmania is still near the top of the list, but I'm also looking at visiting Canberra, flying up to Cairns and doing the barrier reef, going over to Uluru or even a flying (obviously - it's a long way to swim) visit across to New Zealand, if only to collect another stamp in the passport. Knowing me, I'll make my final decision mid-way through the gig on Friday night.

Off again

We had a good trip down the Great Ocean Road today. The journey itself was a little tedious at times (I reminded myself just how much I *hate* long distance bus travel), but the content was interesting and well presented by our driver. The southern Victoria coastline is impressive indeed, and by way of adding another little tick on the 'things wot I have done this holiday' form, I went up in a helicopter over the twelve apostles and London bridge rock, which was kinda neat. Transpires that the folk who were stranded on London Bridge when it's link to the mainland collapsed were not at all happy about the publicity surrounding their rescue - they were not supposed to be there - at least not together!

Fantastic time at Dracula's cabaret restaurant last night - highly recommended. We met with Alison and Kevin, a couple of ex-pats who now reside in new Zealand and are just visiting Melbourne for a couple of days. Given it was officially going to be Hoopy's birthday only 45 minutes after the show finished, the four of us continued drinking at a local bar for another couple of hours. Most enjoyable, though could have done with not having to be up at 06:30 this morning.

Speaking of getting up, tomorrow's worse. We have to be at Tullamarine for an 08:30 flight to Sydney, so it's a 05:30 start. Ugh.

Things that have impressed me about Melbourne :


* The nice people at the MCG replaced the Ashes fleece I purchased in Adelaide that had crapped up in the wash.

* Dracula's Cabaret Restaurant - bloody marvellous.

Things that have not impressed me about Melbourne:

* Everything else


Next stop Sydney.

Happy Birthday Hoopy!

Happy 40th Birthday Hoopy!

Debate

If you're just after the usual mundane claptrap about life, the universe and our 2 month, 1 day piss-up in Australia, you'd be advised to scroll down 5 paragraphs...

After another dismal day for England at the MCG yesterday, Hoopy and I decided to escape downtown Melbourne last night and wandered up to Fitzroy, where we found a damn decent boozer and settled down for the evening. After a couple of pints of Toohey's New, the conversation wandered from the mundane to the in-depth and back again many times and we spent a good three hours discussing philosophy, religion, spirituality, Darwinism, creationism and all that jazz.

We've had several of these conversations before and whilst we agree on some elements of what could, at its base level be defined as "belief", we're a few degrees apart when it comes to "God", who or whatever that may be. For many years, I would have described myself as a "strong atheist", though these days perhaps I'd be better described as a "strict agnostic" - the scientist in me suggests this to be better as we simply cannot know whether "God" exists or not, rather than the atheist view which states, matter-of-factly, the "God" does not exist. Perhaps I'm just hedging my bets as I get older!

Whichever way you spin the coin, ultimately I believe that it is one's belief in oneself that allows us to move on as humans. Darwin stated that 'it is not the strongest or most intelligent who survive, but those who are most adaptive to change' and there is much mileage in this.

Of course, what drives the inner beings' desire to change is, in itself, a contentious issue. Many would say that following a "leader's" move to change would classify as belief in that entity and could therefore accurately be defined as a ''religion'. The problem comes, of course, when the masses blindly follow the "leader" and allow logic, common sense, thousands of years of evolution and one's inner conscience to be ignored. It can be argued (and I do!) that such "fanatical religion" is the underlying cause of much of the world's strife and if people were to take a step back and look to one's inner-self rather than maintaining a blind belief in someone/thing that has never yet been proven to exist, we'd all be a bloody site better off. This of course is where we cross the line between religion and spirituality. That's another box of frogs entirely and something for another day. I can point you in the direction of James Redfield's The Celestine Prophecy by way of an excellent text to get you started thinking about all this stuff, if you're one built of broad mind and intellectual independence, of course.

The carencia can provide an interesting analogy here. In bullfighting, the carencia is the part of the ring where the bull feels safest and the place where he will return time and time again when injured or threatened. He believes it to be a place of sanctuary whereas, of course, each time he returns there he exposes himself to ever increasing danger ultimately leading to his demise. Could the carencia be justifiably accepted as the bull's "religion"?

- - - - - - -

Anyhow, enough of that. Our plans for the next couple of days have changed a little since Boxing day. I tired, and failed, to get on a trip today so instead we're taking it pretty easy having drunk all that beer (followed by another meal at the Casino and some apres-grub activity) last night. Hoopy's still in bed (very forgivable, it was gone 04:00 when he went to sleep!) and I've spent the morning doing odds and sods like postcards and buying his birthday present. Tonight, we're off to Dracula's, a themed restaurant which one enters by ghost train prior to dining whilst being entertained by "talented performers sinking their teeth into a bevy of highly visual, sexy and at times insane acts, including The Human Serpent Woman, Killer Clowns escape illusion, Black Art Puppets from the womb, Musical Instrument mime and The Trapese act from hell. All set to a rockin' song list with a sinister 'carnie' sideshow spin."

Should be a larf, eh?

Tomorrow, our last in Melbourne (thank fuck - we still have no affinity for the place whatsoever!), we're off to do the Great Ocean Road Adventure, an escorted trip taking in Geelong, Bell's Beach (home of the world surfing championships), the twelve apostles and, it says here, the tragic story of the Loch Ard.

A bit blue-rinse brigade for us possibly, but it'll be nice to let someone else take charge of the day's events and will keep us out of the pub - a good thing as we have to be up at sparrow's fart on Saturday to get our flight up to Sydney. Looks like the 5th-8th of January is my window for a final adventure away from pre-planned cricket and ancillary activities. A return to Tasmania is still a pissoboloty, as are visits to Uluru, the Barrier Reef, Canberra or Darwin. Or I may run out of money and do nothing. Who knows? Maybe God. ;-)

Almost, nearly, very close, but not quite

Boxing day test. Melbourne. 2006. Attendance 89,150 - just a little short of the record of 90,800 when the West Indies played here in '61. I suspect a lot of half-interested locals decided to stay put at home, given that it's still bloody cold and wet here. The lowest Christmas temperatures since 1935, Hoopy discovered. It is, of course, scheduled to improve by ten degrees the day after we leave.

Still, we did witness three milestones - Shane Warne took his 700th test wicket (Strauss), Kevin Pietersen reached 2000 test runs and it's the 100th test match at the MCG. Shame Pietersen's runs weren't all in one innings, as once again (for the bloody third time this series) we've been knocked over by the Aussies for 150-odd.

Hoopy is absolutely convinced, and I'm inclined to agree with him, that Rudi Koertzen has a grudge against the English. Another shocking decision yesterday against us, then two appeals against Australia go unrewarded. Probably another bloody colonial with a chip on his shoulder, though one would image his angst being with the Dutch rather than the British, what with him being South African with a name like Koertzen? Guess we're the closest European team that plays test cricket.

Christmas Day didn't improve much. I finished my washing, Hoopy did his then we both crashed and watched Simpsons for an hour or so. Deciding that probably wasn't the most productive way to spend our time, we wandered down to the casino for Christmas dinner - scallops, roast turkey and all the trimmings - though Hoopy moaned about the lack of sprouts. Strange boy. Sadly, it didn't prove event-changing in any other respect and after a couple of hours we wandered back to the hotel and spent another 5 or 6 hours with Bart et al.

Laugh of the day yesterday came courtesy of a Chubb (who also happened to be chubby) security guard at the ground. When I asked him if he knew if the attendance record had been broken or not, he simply replied "don't know mate. There sure do seem like a lot of folk here though. Who's playing?"

Aarrggghhhhh.

So, cricket remains as shit as ever, but like I said to Hoopy, we must take the positives out of the trip. He asked me what they were and I explained that coming second was a good achievement (one extremely well rewarded, in my experience, if you can manage it in the bedroom) and it was the taking part that mattered. Cobblers, obviously.

One good thing - I've lost some weight on this trip. I know this as my trousers keep falling down. It's either down to weight loss or a natural trouser reaction to the multitude of scantily-clad totty there is about the place. Though thinking about it, that can't be the reason here in Melbourne because it's cold, wet and generally shit. Had I mentioned that before? ;-)

I'm doing a day trip tomorrow (Thursday), which will just leave Friday here, which also happens to be Hoopy's birthday - send emergency messages of glad tiding (or women) to the Hotel Y on Elizabeth Street, Melbourne. Fax number +61 3 9329 1469, room 405.

We have a few spare days in Sydney and I'm seriously considering going back to Tasmania. We'll see.

Time to wander down to the MCG for day two and see if we can knock these Aussies over.

There and back

I'm back in Melbourne. It's 10am on Christmas Day [good tidings to those of you who give a toss ;-)] and I have absolutely nothing better to do than this. What a life. As it happens, I'm being extremely sad and catching up on my washing at the same time - the hotel laundry being located slap bang next to the Internet PC's. Hoopy's still asleep after rolling in from the Casino (drinking, not gambling, I hasten to add) around 03:00. I couldn't hack the pace and was back in bed by 01:00 - mind you, I had been up since 06:30. I suppose I could always do what an old friend of Ali's did once and blame the Jet Lag - on a one hour flight in the same time zone. Mmmm.

Tasmania was just fantastic. My favourite place so far by a long way. After leaving Scottsdale on Thursday, I headed over to the North East coast and hung around St Helens for a few hours, popping back inland to Pyengana in the evening where I spent the night (and shared several gallons of ale with locals & visitors alike) at the internationally known Pub In The Paddock. What a great place! Beer drinking pigs and everything - and no, that's not a colloquial description of the resident Australian males.

That's the bar above. I've finally got somewhere where I can upload pictures from, though rather than include too many in these postings I'll probably whack 'em up somewhere else and link to them. Anne, Peter and Irene were exceptional hosts and I even got the chance to play good Samaritan, as four cyclists turned up - one with a broken bike - who ended up staying the night so I could give the guy a ride into town the following morning.

Friday I went back over to the NE coast for a few hours, then headed south (passing some very badly fire damaged forests and massive walnut plantations along the way) to overnight at the Island View motel in Orford. And what a view! Maria Island directly in front with a cracking view across Prosser Bay right from my room. Quite possibly one of the best views you'd ever get from a bedroom window (looking outwards, at least!). Spent an hour or so wandering around Triabunna as well - a neat little town that seems to have pretty much everything you'd need.

Saturday I headed off down to Franklin to meet up with John, Marguerite and Thomas Sturm. Stopping en-route to purchase beverages and flowers, I had a good laugh upon discovering that Huonville's florist shop also doubled up as the store where one could purchase toys for adult entertainment. Quite bizarre.

We had a fun day, centered around food, drink and good conversation. A nice way to finish my time in Tasmania, which was definately too short. I want to go back now!

By contrast, from what I've seen of Melbourne so far, you can keep it. It's grey, dirty and much like any sprawling city anywhere in the world. There are redeeming factors - some of the architecture is most impressive and the South Bank has some nice bars and restaurants, but "downtown" is, er, horrible. Of course, that's purely my opinion so far (Hoopy's too as it happens) and your mileage may vary. To be honest, once tomorrow's out of the way (Boxing Day at the MCG, should be the best atmosphere we'll ever experience at a cricket match), I'd be happy to do something else, somewhere else, before we head to Sydney on Friday.

Whilst I was having all that fun in Tasmania, back in Melbourne poor Hoopy wasn't feeling too good and spent most of Friday in bed. He did manage to get out and about most of the time though, getting a book signed by Shane Warne at a local store on Thursday, visiting the museum yesterday and discovering that unlike everywhere else we've been to in Australia so far, Victoria still allows smoking indoors. Yep, we both are again. Sometimes. However, unlike everywhere else in Australia, Victoria does not seem to allow the publication of advertisments for licenced brothels in it's newspapers, which has rather taken the fun out of that particular daily ritual.

Now it's time for me to go hang up the washing that can't go in the dryer. Boy I know how to live.

Broken Wings

I've arrived in Tasmania, after not nearly enough sleep.

Qantas kept us on the ground at Perth for an extra 3.5 hours yesterday due to a broken aeroplane. What made it a whole lot worse that we were actually on the bloody thing (and had pushed back away from the stand) when the problem was discovered. So, we had to go back to the gate, get back off the plane and sit around for a couple of hours whilst the correct engineer/screwdriver combination could be found to do the requesite fettling. We eventually got into Melbourne about 22:30 and it was well after 01:00 when I took to my bed. Suffice to say I was not overly enamoured when the alarm went off at 05:00 for me to go back to the airport.

By the good grace of the airplane God though, no problems with the JetStar service into Launceston (pronounced 'lawn-cess-ten' and not 'launce-ton' as we do for the one 10 miles down the road at home) this morning. I'm presently in Scottsdale and about to head over the the east coast to explore for a couple of days, prior to making my way down South (and a beer or six with John Sturm) on Saturday.

My couple of hours here so far remind me of Devon. I had to pull half an hour ago and pull my jeans on instead of shorts and now there's some funny wet stuff falling out of the sky, the likes of which I haven't seen for at least 6 weeks. To be honest, I actually don't mind. It's nice to be cool again after the oppressive humidity we had for the last couple of days in Perth.

Hoopy's mission in Melbourne whilst I'm over here is to locate a venue for Christmas dinner. I suspect he may manage to locate a bar or two as well, so the pool championship can continue. Wasn't such a good session for me on Tuesday night - Hoopy raced into a 1 rack lead at 36-35.